Looking Back a Little

One of the reasons I started this blog was to hammer down my philosophies, regarding dreaming, regarding life, and mostly detached, objective, as well as objective-subjective thoughts.
The other, is to see what actually happens if I do. And this is a reflection just about that.

Turns out that having a well documented "history" of your own ramblings, thought processes, and reactions from others gives you quite an obvious indication of how you change. I happened to look back to my older posts because I downloaded my entire website as a not-so-regular backup just in case anything happens to the server, and while checking through the tagboard logs, some of the comments made me puzzle over what I typed to get such a response from friends, and so I dug up the old posts and read them.

For one thing I can say, that since 2008, when I had always been forward looking, being very concerned about the future, kept planning, kept agonising, kept predicting, kept correcting, and kept preparing, I have changed to trying to have a less detailed and scripted focus on the future, but instead, making full use of the present.

I think I attribute it to being in the final phase before "work life", which is something, I must admit, I quite fear. It is a point where, you are kind of a slave to your job, slave to the society, and slave to money. To enjoy it only makes it feel better, but it doesn't change the fact that you can't live without one. I know maybe "slave" might be harsh, but the truth is, you're dependent on such a job, and, annoyingly, it takes up a large portion of your time, is quite inflexible (except for a lucky few), and demands quite a bit.

So, because I don't actually need to plan so much right now (I am secured for 6 years into the future, after 3 more years here. i.e. a total decade of more or less scripted life), I am guessing, I really need to be in the moment and enjoy it. Don't we all feel, when looking back at earlier school life, since the days of Secondary looking back on Primary, JC looking back on Sec, and NS looking back on JC, that it's kind of nostalgic? That we do yearn, even if it's just a little, to live back in those days? And maybe regret a little because there were things we could have done to make them even more awesome than they were?

Well, we can, because the time is now. We can etch wonderful memories of our times, if we just remember to live it, and not get caught up in either the past, or the future. I suppose it's quite easy for me to say, since I've got both sides quite secure, having no major regrets in the past, and a stable future for the short term, but yea. It nevertheless is still important, because, like I said, this is the last phase. Once work hits, I'm not sure what's gonna happen, and I really don't want to regret not enjoying myself enough before that.

On top of that, one must realise that we live entirely based on our memories. Really. You can't tell if you're here right now, you being who you are, because you've lived through all that, or it's been secretly planted into your mind which was previously blank, empty, and possibly non-existant. (Anyone who watched The Island might be able to remember something along this train of thought). Memories are what we are made of, psychologically that is, and it's really important that these are good, and wholesome. So form them with care, for they define who we are. And lastly, while the present is eternal, like the way tomorrow never actually comes, it is also fleeting, and is already in the past before you realise it, becoming part of your library, your history, yourself. So make it count.

07:42 22 Oct 2012