Now, having fully recovered from the ordeal/enjoyment on Tuesday night, I shall hammer down (as now we don't "pen down" anymore) my recollections and documentation from that night while in a state of stupor, trying to get back home using the nation's public transport.

It was my first time ever going toward my limit. (I consider the limit of a person the point where either he/she blacks out, or has lost total control of himself, whether mental or physical.) Nevertheless, while fighting so hard to maintain composure, I still tried my best to type in my phone my exact feelings and experiences just so that I could write this post.

Approximately 10 shots of sak, 2 cups of umeshu, and 1 cup of sochu (if that's how it's written). That was what I took, and what it took, to impair my physique.

While at the table, I noticed that my brain was starting to get cloudy. I had experienced this kind of feeling before, and knew that was the onset. The cloud is merely like fog, and although it produces an extra input in terms of input from your senses, it did not really affect my mental state yet.

Continuing on, I noticed the cloud wasn't getting thicker, and looking back, it didn't get thicker at all, all through the way. What happened instead, was a feeling of dizziness/giddiness started to swamp me. I understand why people say their head is spinning. It was as though I had just spun several rounds and tried to walk straight. My semi-circular canals were giving me false input, and if I hadn't resisted, I would have been stumbling much more than I did, when I got up to use the toilet for the last time before we left the place.

Being seated while drunk doesn't really get annoying, since your movements are minor, and thus you don't need to put much effort to keep yourself functioning normally. However, the trip home was extremely trying.

I had been fortunate that my only main road crossing was at least with two other people from the group who were in a less impaired state than I was. My vision was already affected by then. The expression "tunnel vision" comes close. But unlike its origins, I could still see my peripherals. I just couldn't really resolve it. It was... blur. Not Gaussian type of blur, but distorted blur. Something like underwater blur. Only my vision at my fovea was clear enough for use, and even so, it was not straight. Like I mentioned previously, I was dizzy, and my vision was appearing to spin slightly.

I kept talking about feeling disconnected from my body to the other two who was accompanying me for the initial part of my journey home. That was practically true, and I described myself as being "in a dreamy state, despite being alive as ever". I was hoping for a similar experience to a lucid dream, and I guess it was somewhat close, except that I was dizzy.

I guess the impairment also affected my sensitivity to motion, because I was really glad to get off the bus to transfer to the train. It was getting me motion sick already. It then occurred to me to use my phone to document my sensations. Thankfully, I was using my 2G phone, and I could feel my way round the keys, because, by then, it was such that I had problem focusing on near text, and text that wasn't big enough. I really couldn't bring myself to carefully see what I wrote. It's like answering an sms in the middle of the night when you were roused by your phone's buzz.

I didn't forge many memories of the train ride home, mostly because train rides are boring, and I had my eyes closed most of the time. I relied on the announcements, which was feeling a little more distant than usual, and didn't have the usual piercing effect into my head. Peering at my documentation, I described the feelings then as very dreamlike, and with a little nausea by then. I almost vomited in the train, but managed to hold it in.

I was hopelessly dizzy by then, and could only "feel my way around". Not literally, but I was going home, so familiarity took over, and I let myself more of "drift" towards my destination, rather than actively taking any action. I unfortunately couldn't hold any longer, and at the station where I transferred trains, I tried to minimise, but still left a small puddle on the floor. It definitely made me feel better, and I am certain it's psychological only, because the effect is too immediate for any significant biochemistry to have taken place. Hence I'd recommend if anyone feels like puking, they should, in controlled situations. (Unfortunately for me, there's no station toilet, nor grass patch along my way home aboard the MRTs)

Upon boarding the next train, I noticed a patch of vomit on the floor of the train. Well, I clearly wasn't alone that night. My handkerchief was in my hand now, just in case I couldn't hold in again. It isn't nice to throw up on high traffic walkways and paths.

After alighting at the final station toward home, I still had to walk about 200+ metres. As I documented it, "it's almost like a torture. My legs are like jelly" (I typed in as kelly. I made all sorts of other spelling mistakes, oh well.) Despite being so disconnected, I still overtook a woman (young) while walking home. These people walk so slow, that even in such a state, my walking speed is still significantly faster.

Nearly reaching home, I did my usual stomp on the unbalanced manhole cover to make a sound (I always do that normally). It came out more half-hearted than usual, but at least I did it. I then crossed a minor road before arriving at my apartment. It was at this instant that I realised I definitely couldn't react if I needed to. If a car had decided to jump the lights, I couldn't dash out of the way. I would have to actually think to react, rather than being spontaneous. Everything I did now, was instructional movement. Indeed, it's very dangerous, and it is also why the number of drink-driving accidents is so high.

I made it home safely, and thankfully my parents weren't aware of the state I was in because they were asleep by then. While bathing, I managed to let go everything I needed to get the nausea under control. It wasn't alot, but I definitely felt better. Sleeping... was... unusually easy. lol.

The next day, however, was shit. I didn't get the usual head-splitting-headache, but I was still somewhat dizzy, and this caused me to experience alot of motion sickness despite not actually moving, or nauseating motion sickness aboard a smooth ride on the train. I guess I'd prefer that to the headache that others experienced. Water probably helped. Warm water too.

Thankfully, today, this has all cleared up, and I'm in a good lucid state to make this post.

10:55 12 Apr 2012