You know, I always feel that we are similar in a few ways at least, I don't know if I'm wrong. I have held on to my ideals since I formed them before formal education. Perhaps I have massaged and reshaped some of them here and there, but I know I'll always be clinging, shoving my life in their direction as hard as possibly can. Even when things don't go my way.
Some things come to people automatically, I realise. I don't know why, and I only discover them much later, and there's always the resounding question: I did that too, why didn't it come to me?
There's no one who can answer me, and I don't ever think I'll find an answer to that. Maybe I don't want to know either. But seeing a number of others get it that easily just gets me frustrated, annoyed, scornful, and displeased.
I haven't been given an easy starting point. Almost everything was worked for. Truth be told, the more I live, the more I realise — there's no such thing as talent. There's only effort, which is basically time. The more time you put in to anything, the better your outcome.
But then there's luck and fortune, and they can be a bitch to you. They have complete power over you. They'll nullify all the effort you've put in, or they can force you to put in so much more just to achieve the same result as another. And all you can do is pray this doesn't happen.
How can one then stand up against this mocking titan? It comes from within. The dream, that even in the coldest circumstances, smoulders like embers within your heart, that keeps you going even though you've just been doused again and again for the umpteenth time from behind. The dream is your soul, they are one. For a person without one is aimless, and just existant; another mass that walks the planet, another object that adds to the figure in population count.
And to have that dream shattered, to see it, smell it, and possibly even taste it, only to have it whisked away from you and thrown down the chute. To rub salt, to discover that the path was a delusion all along...
I can barely imagine how it is. Like all that I have done so far have come down to naught. May I also say that, I have tried my best to keep abreast with the "alpinists". It's been a struggle, and I know how I got here. To see the flip side of the coin is literally heartbreaking. My vocabulary is severely lacking for me to carry on further.
I want to do something to help. I just don't know what...
I also wonder if you'll read this by any chance, but if you are, maybe you can find some comfort in knowing that someone out there empathises and sympathises with you, and is actually tearing as he types this.
"You must find a new one, to replace that which you have lost."
But I wonder if my words might even comfort. I'm on the other side, and it looks hypocritical.
God, I want to do something to help...
I'd like to recommend a program/website: Anki
Why I'm recommending it is because I have personally found it useful. It's a flash card program. The electronic version of that stack of business-card size cards that you use to memorise facts, figures, vocabulary, etc. The program allows you to create a "deck of cards", front and back. When you revise, it'll show the front to you, and then after you click a button, it'll show the back as well, followed by 4 buttons: again, hard, good, easy.
This system is actually properly developed in the sense that if you click "hard" for a card you're seeing the first time, account (oh ya, you'll have to create an account) will remember it and bring it out to you the next day for you to revise. If you press good, it'll be after 3 days, easy, after 7 days. The second time you encounter it, clicking hard will make it reappear after 3 days, good, after 10 days, and easy, after 20-something days.
By doing so, it helps you memorise the information on the card. Scientists have found out an optimal rate at which we must be exposed to information to be memorised so that we memorise it the best. This is something like 1 day, 3 days, 7 days, and then 1 month or along those lines. I doubt the programmer for Anki did any research, nor did he read up intensively on how many days to put, but there's no specific number of days that are actually needed because it varies from person to person.
The program can be downloaded and installed on to your com for ease of use, but there's also a more limited use "web version" (you can sign in to your account using an internet browser) which is useful for people on the move, or who log in to their computer at work or something. It allows you to revise your cards, add new ones, and edit cards, but that's all. It's good enough though, you can always change the more advanced options at home.
So far, I've been using it to memorise Japanese Kanji. I should be getting pretty close to around 400 now, which helps me immensely with reading, although I'm still a very very long way off from reading complete sentences without finding a word I don't know. It's probably because I learn Kanji all over the place, and not actually follow any specific syllabus like the JLPT or the jouyou kanji (literally: commonly used kanji). I like to think of it as torrenting vs. progressive download. But in this case, I'm at a disadvantage because supposedly I will not be able to take any of the JLPT tests (except 5 possibly) since I don't have the required vocabulary. However, once I've learnt enough, I'll probably be able to skip to like, JLPT 3 or maybe even 2, although that'd be like many years time.
The program has been very useful in expanding my vocabulary, and also for revision. I keep adding new words that I'd like to learn whenever possible, and so this method should suit me. My kanji almost always comes from song lyrics, which makes it easier to remember too.
Keep in mind that this program is not limited to helping you memorise Japanese Kanji, neither is it limited to vocabulary. You can use it in anyway you see fit! Memorise country names, city names, universal constants (speed of light perhaps? 2.998 x 10^8 m/s <-- memorised that a long time ago). Any piece of information you want to drill into your head can be done easily through this software. There are even pre-made decks for you to download (I still prefer to create my own though, since learning is a personal process and works better if customised).
Oh, and did I mention it's free?
It is one thing to see that the situation you're in is bad, and possibly getting worse, but another to know that people from outside are also seeing the same � it means it's not an undercurrent that you're observing. The wound has burst open.
I never thought I'd be sad about it, but I really am, being a part of this... calamity.
After a number of years of not doing anything about the MP3 section, I finally devoted one entire weekend to re-doing both sections (in terms of scripts), the MP3 section and scoresheet section, so that now, all the downloads will be permanently hosted. Previously, the scoresheet page was practically all html. Now, I've used php to help generate the list so that it's easier for me to add scores (I've gotten ready one score, and am almost done with another. Upload soon)!
Previously, I hosted the scores on FileFront while MapleSheets was down, and after that, even as it came back up, I still continued to host the scores since it did not cost me much. But one big problem about these file hosting sites is that they either: limit your bandwidth by alot — think Rapidshare, Megaupload, Filefront, or they delete your files every now and then — think Filefront (the only one I used so far).
It is extremely irritating and frustrating if you're relying on these sites. Nowadays, you can use "multiple hosting" sites which help you upload to all of these sites at one go. However, there's also a recent solution that doesn't seem to have a limit: Microsoft skydrive.
Do let me know via the guestbook if you happen to encounter a limitation (either bandwidth, file not found, or etc) with this current file hosting method.
Otherwise feel free to enjoy all the MP3s of MapleStory BGMs, and the scores that we, at MapleSheets, transcribed. They are free, and will always remain free for download. And, as long as I can keep this site up, along with the hosting for those files, I will continue to keep those two pages available for all the fans of MapleStory!